So here’s an idea Rook and I came up sometime last year while japing at the expense of overdramatic abstractions in Tahereh Mafi’s “Shatter Me.” Why not make questionable or out-of-context descriptions from books into bizarre alcoholic drinks?

Today’s contestant: “The Starless Sea” by Erin Morgenstern! As you might know, Morgenstern’s debut novel “The Night Circus” is my favorite. I’m only into the first 100 pages of “Starless,” but the menu looks promising so far:

We’ll start you off with a “Wine-Colored Volume.” It’s not wine, but it does look a bit like it. It’s a pretty cheap plot incentive that’ll make you want to stay the rest of the night. (FYI: comes as a “volume” because there are multiple rounds.)

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If I can’t interest you in that, how about a “Zachary Ezra Rawlins?” This one also is a starter with multiple rounds. Aged just over twenty years and almost always served alone. It’s true it has some frills, but the aftertaste is what counts. Plus there are a lot of rounds for the deal.

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I like to call this one the “Orientationally Unavailable.” Next time someone buys you a drink and shoots a devastating sidelong-glance-and-wink combo down the bar, send them this back. On the house!

Might I recommend an “Excellent-Smelling Man?” It’s excellent smelling, and guaranteed to make you feel like a mysterious male love interest your significant other hasn’t gotten to know very well yet.

Right, now cleanse your palate with an “Intimidation Tea.” You’ve had a bit of excitement and possibly just stolen a book, so a nice humorous cocktail will do you some good.

Finally, this one’s called “Ten Points to Ravenclaw.” It’s a base of modern contemporary fiction, served with college protagonist and flavored strongly with pop culture references. Just a hint of suave male love interest to end the evening right.

Come back next week to sample more drinks from “The Starless Sea” collection. Make sure you get home safely!